Today is a fast day known as the Fast of Esther.
Today is day two of us not having running water in our apartment.
How are the two connected?
It's nearing the end of my fast, my husband has gone out to shul (synagogue), the kids are tucked in bed (after a baby wipe 'bath' of sorts) and I'm sitting on the couch in silence at the battlefield that is my home which was attacked by two very small predators who consume most of my day.
I can't help but think, did I actually grow spiritually from this fast? Isn't that what a fast is supposed to do? What did I get out of it besides diapers, playing with kids and broken pipes?
In Judaism, we learn that the aim of the fast of Esther is to affirm that man does not prevail by physical or military strength, rather by lifting his eyes heavenward in prayer so that God might give him strength to prevail in the battle.
This statement is packed with questions, but I'll just tell you how I caught a glimpse of what the fast is all about today from some broken pipes.
We have no water, and you can only think of all the inconveniences that we might be facing as a result of it. The Abba came home today and upon hearing that we still have no water, replied with "Wow thank God."
What is he talking about? I wanted to bite his head off.
But he explained:
The fact that you don't have water right now, is a testament to the fact that God loves you!
Oh now I was really losing it.
Please explain my dear, humor me.
The Abba went on to explain to me that it's really quite simple. If God didn't love us, He wouldn't be involved in our daily lives. He would just give us everything we need, at all times, no matter what so that we would never have the opportunity to even ask him for a single thing. If he didn't want a relationship with us, it would be very smart to just cut us off from Him, by giving us all that we need. Smart equation.
The Torah teaches that this is the reason why the snake in the Garden of Eden was cursed to slither on the ground. Before the snake sinned, he was a walking being of some sort. After he sinned, the curse put on him was that he would slither on the dust of the Earth, which in turn means he will always have his sustenance there for him without having to turn to God to ask for it.
Man on the other hand was put in the situation where he would only receive his sustenance through hard labor and toiling, which really means he would have to ask God for EVERYTHING.
Now if you want a close relationship with someone, you would probably choose the second option, and obviously God did. He wants to be close with us and therefore at times it might seem like a harsh punishment, but really all His messages and opportunities for us to reach out to Him are acts of love. Just like a father punishes a child to teach him a lesson, it is only done out of love. If the father didn't care, he would not waste his time trying to teach the child lessons about life.
And this is what the fast day teaches us. We are meant to stop for a day and recognize that we do not prevail by physical strength, rather by turning to God. We won't get the pipes fixed by getting all flared up about the 'bad plumber' or 'bad management'. I'm sure there are buildings with tremendous management and top of the line plumbers who sometimes can't solve every problem. The bottom line is we have to do our efforts in this world out of love, call the plumber call the city and of course pray, and God will in turn see that we are putting in our efforts all the while recognizing that He is ultimately the only One in charge.
All day I was trying to tap into the spiritual energy of this holy day and I have to say it is hard at times when you are so engulfed in the mundane activities of life. Changing diapers, feeding, putting to sleep, okay so today there was no bathing but still. You can get wrapped up in all of that if you don't stop to think 'what are the messages here, what am I trying to accomplish with this fast?'
And that's the story of Esther in a nutshell. Finding God in the hidden darkness of the world. If I can connect to the deeper meaning of my life and who I am and what I'm living for from diapers and feeding and broken pipes, then I can break through any darkness the world brings my way and find meaning in everything from the small 'insignificant' things, to the big issues we are meant to face in life.
Thank God for those broken pipes.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
If your child is not perfect, you are a bad parent.
Apparently, if my child pushes another child it means I'm a bad parent.
But does it really?
At an indoor playground recently a little girl who couldn't have been older than 1 stepped right into the battlefield that is 'The Exhausted Noam (TM)' and got herself quite the push so he could make headway toward the slide. Where was I? I was sitting about 8 feet away feeding my baby Adina. I had my eye on Noam but I couldn't possibly get to him in time to stop him from the inevitable fate that was awaiting this poor innocent child.
The incident: Noam shoves the girl, girl falls to the floor and begins to cry, girl's mother appears in 2.6 seconds and grabs Noam's wrist frantically looking around for this "animals" mother. She didn't say that, I added it for extra drama but in all truth I know that's what she was thinking.
So many wrong things here, let me just begin with the mother's response.
Instead of girls mother rushing to her daughter to make sure she was okay, she ran to rebuke my son and to try eagerly to find his mother in order to reprimand her as well. Because, apparently, that is more important than checking to see if her daughter was well.
See this just sets off alarms in my head about parenting in general. Firstly this was the mother of a little baby girl who is probably more gentle than a kitten and doesn't even know what hitting is. But, sorry mother of girl, one day your child too will push, shove, hit or call someone names and the question is what will you do to deal with it? I mean besides the fact that if you are taking your child to an indoor playground you have to be realistic and plan that these things happen amongst kids, we must be realistic insomuch as life in general with kids is like an indoor playground with a bunch of little tired, overly stimulated animals running around.
In my opinion of parenting, which may be limited but in defense I believe is thought out and based on real sources, is that we are here to prepare our children with the challenges of the world and to give them the tools as to how to deal with those things as they come.
Are we going to run up to every kid's parents when something happens to our child and try to parent their children or change the parents parenting tactics? That is never going to work. You will not change others this way. You can only work on your own parenting and teach your children how to stand up to adversary in life, and then in turn through example we stand a chance at teaching others how to appropriately act.
If her child is acting up in class or isn't thriving in school later in life, will she try to change the child's teacher in hopes of having her child thrive better? I'm sure there are times when changing a teacher is appropriate but in most cases, we are probably better of teaching the child that there may even be teachers they don't jive with, but regardless, they are responsible for being good students and that's that. No exception.
I fear with this approach we are robbing our children of their independence and of their entire purpose in life at that. We are taking from them the basic fundamental principal of being an adult, which is to take responsibility for yourself and to learn to deal with life in an appropriate way.
In defense of my own parenting tactics, don't think for a second that I didn't have a serious (however serious can get with a 2 year old) talk with the guy about hitting. Don't think I didn't speak about it all the way up until he went to bed and told him how important it is to be kind and gentle. And regardless of this incident, don't think that I don't praise my son every time he is gentle with his sister. The reason I say this is because I fear that mothers or fathers reactions to a child hitting their child can result in a lot of judgment of the parents or the household. I am very quickly changing my mind as to the judgments I make about parents based on their children. I think at an older age you can probably make a better judgment as to the values being taught in someone's home based on their kid's character traits, but hardly when they're two years old.
The end of the story goes that the woman found the "animals' mother (me) and yelled at me, projecting her voice higher and higher to overcast my apologies as if not to hear it, and continued with, "Your son just.....etc etc......you should have intervened!" And then, no joke, she picked up her baby and stormed out of the playground with a thick cloud of angry smoke trailing behind. Okay the smoke is an exaggeration but you get the picture.
What are we teaching our children? Are we teaching them that they must be perfect and that if something "wrong" happens it's the end of the world? Or better yet, if something "wrong" happens, it is an excuse to completely lose it on someone? This is detrimental to our children if we teach them to think they can act like angels and not like humans who make mistakes. When a child hits my child now, I really do try to feel for the parent as they look at me with those guilty eyes. Right away I tell the parent, "It's okay these things happen now let's deal with it" because I know the pressure put on us parents to have these perfect children who don't hit, scream or have tantrums. We have to be realistic and arm ourselves for when these things happen because they are going to.
What will you teach your child to do when someone hits them?
How will you respond when your child is acting up in class and the teacher is "picking" (in his opinion) on him, and he's not doing well in that class?
How will we respond when our children get fired from a job?
What will we tell our children if, God forbid, we are faced with a tragedy such as death?
We can give them the tools to deal with it. Imagine the scenario: A boy comes home from school to tell his parents that a boy in class is picking on him. The parent sits down with the child and explains to him that all he needs to do is be true to himself. Don't feel insecure about yourself because this boy doesn't know you and is picking on you only because he is not happy with himself. The parent explains that the best thing to do is to ignore the bully because that is the ultimate defeat to someone who is trying to get a reaction. Later in life, the parent tells the child, you will see that this person will come out of his shell and try to rectify these bad behaviors and relationships he's made for himself, whereas you will still be you and not have sunk to any levels below yourself.
Or we could just teach them that when things are tough, don't deal with the issue yourself just go directly to the source. If a child hits you, go yell at his mother. If school is hard, yell at the principal. If your job isn't working out, curse out your boss. If life is tough, go yell at God for all the bad in your life.
But does it really?
At an indoor playground recently a little girl who couldn't have been older than 1 stepped right into the battlefield that is 'The Exhausted Noam (TM)' and got herself quite the push so he could make headway toward the slide. Where was I? I was sitting about 8 feet away feeding my baby Adina. I had my eye on Noam but I couldn't possibly get to him in time to stop him from the inevitable fate that was awaiting this poor innocent child.
The incident: Noam shoves the girl, girl falls to the floor and begins to cry, girl's mother appears in 2.6 seconds and grabs Noam's wrist frantically looking around for this "animals" mother. She didn't say that, I added it for extra drama but in all truth I know that's what she was thinking.
So many wrong things here, let me just begin with the mother's response.
Instead of girls mother rushing to her daughter to make sure she was okay, she ran to rebuke my son and to try eagerly to find his mother in order to reprimand her as well. Because, apparently, that is more important than checking to see if her daughter was well.
See this just sets off alarms in my head about parenting in general. Firstly this was the mother of a little baby girl who is probably more gentle than a kitten and doesn't even know what hitting is. But, sorry mother of girl, one day your child too will push, shove, hit or call someone names and the question is what will you do to deal with it? I mean besides the fact that if you are taking your child to an indoor playground you have to be realistic and plan that these things happen amongst kids, we must be realistic insomuch as life in general with kids is like an indoor playground with a bunch of little tired, overly stimulated animals running around.
In my opinion of parenting, which may be limited but in defense I believe is thought out and based on real sources, is that we are here to prepare our children with the challenges of the world and to give them the tools as to how to deal with those things as they come.
Are we going to run up to every kid's parents when something happens to our child and try to parent their children or change the parents parenting tactics? That is never going to work. You will not change others this way. You can only work on your own parenting and teach your children how to stand up to adversary in life, and then in turn through example we stand a chance at teaching others how to appropriately act.
If her child is acting up in class or isn't thriving in school later in life, will she try to change the child's teacher in hopes of having her child thrive better? I'm sure there are times when changing a teacher is appropriate but in most cases, we are probably better of teaching the child that there may even be teachers they don't jive with, but regardless, they are responsible for being good students and that's that. No exception.
I fear with this approach we are robbing our children of their independence and of their entire purpose in life at that. We are taking from them the basic fundamental principal of being an adult, which is to take responsibility for yourself and to learn to deal with life in an appropriate way.
In defense of my own parenting tactics, don't think for a second that I didn't have a serious (however serious can get with a 2 year old) talk with the guy about hitting. Don't think I didn't speak about it all the way up until he went to bed and told him how important it is to be kind and gentle. And regardless of this incident, don't think that I don't praise my son every time he is gentle with his sister. The reason I say this is because I fear that mothers or fathers reactions to a child hitting their child can result in a lot of judgment of the parents or the household. I am very quickly changing my mind as to the judgments I make about parents based on their children. I think at an older age you can probably make a better judgment as to the values being taught in someone's home based on their kid's character traits, but hardly when they're two years old.
The end of the story goes that the woman found the "animals' mother (me) and yelled at me, projecting her voice higher and higher to overcast my apologies as if not to hear it, and continued with, "Your son just.....etc etc......you should have intervened!" And then, no joke, she picked up her baby and stormed out of the playground with a thick cloud of angry smoke trailing behind. Okay the smoke is an exaggeration but you get the picture.
What are we teaching our children? Are we teaching them that they must be perfect and that if something "wrong" happens it's the end of the world? Or better yet, if something "wrong" happens, it is an excuse to completely lose it on someone? This is detrimental to our children if we teach them to think they can act like angels and not like humans who make mistakes. When a child hits my child now, I really do try to feel for the parent as they look at me with those guilty eyes. Right away I tell the parent, "It's okay these things happen now let's deal with it" because I know the pressure put on us parents to have these perfect children who don't hit, scream or have tantrums. We have to be realistic and arm ourselves for when these things happen because they are going to.
What will you teach your child to do when someone hits them?
How will you respond when your child is acting up in class and the teacher is "picking" (in his opinion) on him, and he's not doing well in that class?
How will we respond when our children get fired from a job?
What will we tell our children if, God forbid, we are faced with a tragedy such as death?
We can give them the tools to deal with it. Imagine the scenario: A boy comes home from school to tell his parents that a boy in class is picking on him. The parent sits down with the child and explains to him that all he needs to do is be true to himself. Don't feel insecure about yourself because this boy doesn't know you and is picking on you only because he is not happy with himself. The parent explains that the best thing to do is to ignore the bully because that is the ultimate defeat to someone who is trying to get a reaction. Later in life, the parent tells the child, you will see that this person will come out of his shell and try to rectify these bad behaviors and relationships he's made for himself, whereas you will still be you and not have sunk to any levels below yourself.
Or we could just teach them that when things are tough, don't deal with the issue yourself just go directly to the source. If a child hits you, go yell at his mother. If school is hard, yell at the principal. If your job isn't working out, curse out your boss. If life is tough, go yell at God for all the bad in your life.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Time flies
Oh my gosh is it really Thursday already?
I was at a wedding recently and saw many people I hadn't seen in years and after hearing that I now have two kids and have been married almost 4.5 years, their jaws drop and they all say the same thing, "Wow, how time flies!"
It's true! I'm not mocking them. I say it all the time, no pun intended.
Last week alone both my mother and my mother in law both made jokes about how they're getting "old" and it's so sad! I took this as a sign to hear the messages and perhaps find a big life lesson in it all.
So I began to question myself. Is that it? Can that really be it? When we're young we enjoy ourselves and when we get "old" it just becomes this depressing downwards spiral into a useless existence of rocking chairs and tales of "back in the day?"
Not even close.
This is exactly what Shabbat comes to teach us.
A parallel:
After 6 days of working, the sun sets on Friday night and that means that we can no longer do any acts of creation (ie. cooking, some cleaning, bathing, driving, etc.). We work hard to prepare all week for the day of Shabbat, we shop for food, we cook, bathe, clean our clothes, polish the silver. We get ready to sit and feast like Kings and Queens. Whatever we prepared during the week is the only thing we will have to eat on Shabbat because once the sun sets, we can no longer continue to cook. On a deeper level we are told that God Himself is our guest on Shabbat! What a tremendous honor for us to "host" Godliness in our homes, which really means to connect with the reality of what we're living for and focus on the things that matter.
After 120 years of living in this world (6 days of the week), the sun will one day "set" (Friday night) and we too will die. We must work hard to prepare all our lives (6 days of the week) for that special day (Shabbat) when we leave this world and go on to the World to Come. We prepare our (clothing) spiritual garments, ie. perfecting our character traits, and we get ready to sit and feast in the glory of all our hard work! Whatever we prepared during (the week) our lives, is the only thing we will have to (eat) show for what we made of ourselves here. This is truly our sustenance. Once the sun sets (Shabbat starts) we can no longer continue to (cook/prepare) work on ourselves or prepare anything because our time will be up. On a deeper level we will be God's guests!
The week passes us by so fast. I often catch myself asking "What do I have to show for this week?" I'm not asking what did I buy, or how much money did I make. What I'm asking is "Did I work on myself? Did I "toil" and labor at working on being patient, giving, caring? That's all I will have to show when I'm gone. So each week we are truly blessed to have this reminder that although the week did "fly by" you have a chance, 25 hours, to sit and contemplate about what was last week and what will be this coming week. We have the opportunity to sit and reflect so that each week that passes by is not a week that goes with nothing to show for it.
Shabbat is our reminder that one day, the sun will set for us too, and we need to prepare.
I was at a wedding recently and saw many people I hadn't seen in years and after hearing that I now have two kids and have been married almost 4.5 years, their jaws drop and they all say the same thing, "Wow, how time flies!"
It's true! I'm not mocking them. I say it all the time, no pun intended.
Last week alone both my mother and my mother in law both made jokes about how they're getting "old" and it's so sad! I took this as a sign to hear the messages and perhaps find a big life lesson in it all.
So I began to question myself. Is that it? Can that really be it? When we're young we enjoy ourselves and when we get "old" it just becomes this depressing downwards spiral into a useless existence of rocking chairs and tales of "back in the day?"
Not even close.
This is exactly what Shabbat comes to teach us.
A parallel:
After 6 days of working, the sun sets on Friday night and that means that we can no longer do any acts of creation (ie. cooking, some cleaning, bathing, driving, etc.). We work hard to prepare all week for the day of Shabbat, we shop for food, we cook, bathe, clean our clothes, polish the silver. We get ready to sit and feast like Kings and Queens. Whatever we prepared during the week is the only thing we will have to eat on Shabbat because once the sun sets, we can no longer continue to cook. On a deeper level we are told that God Himself is our guest on Shabbat! What a tremendous honor for us to "host" Godliness in our homes, which really means to connect with the reality of what we're living for and focus on the things that matter.
After 120 years of living in this world (6 days of the week), the sun will one day "set" (Friday night) and we too will die. We must work hard to prepare all our lives (6 days of the week) for that special day (Shabbat) when we leave this world and go on to the World to Come. We prepare our (clothing) spiritual garments, ie. perfecting our character traits, and we get ready to sit and feast in the glory of all our hard work! Whatever we prepared during (the week) our lives, is the only thing we will have to (eat) show for what we made of ourselves here. This is truly our sustenance. Once the sun sets (Shabbat starts) we can no longer continue to (cook/prepare) work on ourselves or prepare anything because our time will be up. On a deeper level we will be God's guests!
The week passes us by so fast. I often catch myself asking "What do I have to show for this week?" I'm not asking what did I buy, or how much money did I make. What I'm asking is "Did I work on myself? Did I "toil" and labor at working on being patient, giving, caring? That's all I will have to show when I'm gone. So each week we are truly blessed to have this reminder that although the week did "fly by" you have a chance, 25 hours, to sit and contemplate about what was last week and what will be this coming week. We have the opportunity to sit and reflect so that each week that passes by is not a week that goes with nothing to show for it.
Shabbat is our reminder that one day, the sun will set for us too, and we need to prepare.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
This is love, and it's beautiful.
Everyday, at 6:26p.m. the Abba walks in with a gigantic smile. He tells me it's the best part of his day, and I believe him because it's mine too. He hangs his coat, puts away his briefcase, and sits down at the table with me.
The first thing the Abba asks is, "So, how was their day?" in the most enthusiastic voice I have ever heard.
It's quite adorable, in so much as I know he really misses them during the day and can't wait to 'catch up' on all the things they've been up to. Most days, he hears the same things and each time he hears it its as if he's hearing it for the first time.
So tonight when I told the Abba about the guy's day, I learned a tremendous lesson about life and I had to share it.
Today the guy had an interesting day starting with a really early wake up time of 5:00 am, to a very rare 'short' nap as apposed to a 2 hour well rested nap, and some tantrums here and there. Yet, when the Abba asked how the guys day was, I told him all about how cute they were and how much they took care of each other and how much we all laughed!
Judaism teaches us that love is the feeling you get when you focus on the positive attributes of another person.
There is good and bad in this world. People have positive and negative traits and the most amazing feeling in the world is when you know someone so well that you can see both but you focus on the positive.
When I think of my family and my friends, I am able to focus on the positive. This is love. It's really not a complicated thing. It doesn't have to hurt and it doesn't have to be confusing. It's a pretty simple equation and we just have to realign our thinking to it. This is love, and it's beautiful.
The first thing the Abba asks is, "So, how was their day?" in the most enthusiastic voice I have ever heard.
It's quite adorable, in so much as I know he really misses them during the day and can't wait to 'catch up' on all the things they've been up to. Most days, he hears the same things and each time he hears it its as if he's hearing it for the first time.
So tonight when I told the Abba about the guy's day, I learned a tremendous lesson about life and I had to share it.
Today the guy had an interesting day starting with a really early wake up time of 5:00 am, to a very rare 'short' nap as apposed to a 2 hour well rested nap, and some tantrums here and there. Yet, when the Abba asked how the guys day was, I told him all about how cute they were and how much they took care of each other and how much we all laughed!
Judaism teaches us that love is the feeling you get when you focus on the positive attributes of another person.
There is good and bad in this world. People have positive and negative traits and the most amazing feeling in the world is when you know someone so well that you can see both but you focus on the positive.
When I think of my family and my friends, I am able to focus on the positive. This is love. It's really not a complicated thing. It doesn't have to hurt and it doesn't have to be confusing. It's a pretty simple equation and we just have to realign our thinking to it. This is love, and it's beautiful.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Puzzles
Who would have thought that making a puzzle with a 2 year old can be such inspiration to connecting to the true meaning of life?
That's what happened today. As the guys and I were busy making our World puzzle I was very inspired.
With the natural compassion bestowed to mothers, I gave the guy pieces to fit into the puzzle and asked him, "Hmm, Noam, maybe this piece goes here wanna try?"
And of course his world lit up when, behold, the piece fit! He felt so proud.
We too are here to fit pieces into a puzzle.
In reality I could have built the puzzle for him in about 4 minutes, it was one of those gigantic size piece puzzles, you know what I mean? But why did I help him and allow him to figure it out?
The reason is obvious yet profound in our understanding of our relationship to this world, our potential and to our creator.
We want our children to accomplish. That's it really. We can give them all the answers and do things for them and spoon feed them until they are adults, but we choose to guide them along in a way that gives them safety within the boundaries but free will to blossom into free will thinkers who will feel a sense of accomplishment in their tasks.
We too, like the little guys, are here in this world to feel that sense of accomplishment. God really could have gotten you that job, that man, that car, that personality trait, whatever it may be that you feel you are working towards in life. But then we'd be robots and God doesn't need that and you don't want that. He wants a relationship with us where we are actively choosing and seeking out meaning in everything we do. Even in making a puzzle with a baby.
That's what happened today. As the guys and I were busy making our World puzzle I was very inspired.
With the natural compassion bestowed to mothers, I gave the guy pieces to fit into the puzzle and asked him, "Hmm, Noam, maybe this piece goes here wanna try?"
And of course his world lit up when, behold, the piece fit! He felt so proud.
We too are here to fit pieces into a puzzle.
In reality I could have built the puzzle for him in about 4 minutes, it was one of those gigantic size piece puzzles, you know what I mean? But why did I help him and allow him to figure it out?
The reason is obvious yet profound in our understanding of our relationship to this world, our potential and to our creator.
We want our children to accomplish. That's it really. We can give them all the answers and do things for them and spoon feed them until they are adults, but we choose to guide them along in a way that gives them safety within the boundaries but free will to blossom into free will thinkers who will feel a sense of accomplishment in their tasks.
We too, like the little guys, are here in this world to feel that sense of accomplishment. God really could have gotten you that job, that man, that car, that personality trait, whatever it may be that you feel you are working towards in life. But then we'd be robots and God doesn't need that and you don't want that. He wants a relationship with us where we are actively choosing and seeking out meaning in everything we do. Even in making a puzzle with a baby.
Brush your teeth!
In desperation to get the guy to brush his teeth, I had to think up something really clever.
BUGS!
That's right, no lying as germs are really a sort of bug right? I told the little guy that we had to get the bugs out of his teeth. I'm happy to say the guy enthusiastically brushes his teeth now.
So I was trying to get in the mind of this little guy and began to think of how this relates to me? Here he is, this helpless little...guy...his entire life rests in my hands and pretty much anything I say or tell him to do he has to do it. But it's always for his good (provided that I am being a 'good' parent).
See this is exactly how we are with God.
We seem to think that we know everything because we've been classified as 'adults'. We think we know to the ends of the earth and back. Until we learn something from a mistake, and it hurts, and we promise ourselves next time we'll be more open to realizing we don't know it all, and then we do it again. Essentially this is the life of a toddler.
Sometimes we have to do things in life that we don't fully understand because we're essentially God's babies and don't 'know it all' and in the kindness that is Godliness, He speaks to us on our level. He speaks to us so we can understand what it is He knows is best for us.
We shouldn't fool ourselves, the same little guy who needs to be told to brush his teeth to get the buggys out, is the same person who has to go to work and put in a lot of effort to make money and then get paid and feel superior to the rest of the world because, well, now I am responsible and making my own decisions. And well yes, it is true, we do need to 'grow up' and take responsibility for our lives and make decisions like a free thinking adult. But we should never lose sight of the greatness of our Creator who knows far more than we will ever know. It is not to make us feel bad about ourselves, rather it should make us feel small like a child in the sense of humility and awesome to know that we are His 'babies'.
Who are we to think we know it all?
It's like the classic example of the small child who is taken to the dentists office with his father. The child is sitting in the chair with his father standing right next to him and the dentist begins to work. In the child's eyes, this mad man in a white suit is trying to kill him and daddy is just standing by his side and watching the whole thing! 'Why isn't daddy helping me?' the poor boy thinks to himself.
This is really the mind of a child! He is not able to trust yet that the father knows what is best for the child, even if it does hurt a little at times.
Our father, God, knows what's best for us, and sometimes it hurts a little. We can't always see it but there is a formula in being able to tap into it much more and it's simple. Just think of all the good in your life, all the blessings, and all the times where you really needed something and it came through or when something looked bad and ended up being the best thing for you. Think about what a great track record God has in giving you LIFE, and everything in between and realize that this too is just part of that beautiful tapestry.
When you're so close to the painting while it's being drawn you may only see a big mess, but when you stand back and look at it from a distance you see a beautiful masterpiece.
Every father wants what's best for their child. Sometimes God has to speak to us on our level, most of the time, it may seem like a daunting task but really all he's telling us is to brush our teeth, to get the buggys out, because He wants only what's best for us.
BUGS!
That's right, no lying as germs are really a sort of bug right? I told the little guy that we had to get the bugs out of his teeth. I'm happy to say the guy enthusiastically brushes his teeth now.
So I was trying to get in the mind of this little guy and began to think of how this relates to me? Here he is, this helpless little...guy...his entire life rests in my hands and pretty much anything I say or tell him to do he has to do it. But it's always for his good (provided that I am being a 'good' parent).
See this is exactly how we are with God.
We seem to think that we know everything because we've been classified as 'adults'. We think we know to the ends of the earth and back. Until we learn something from a mistake, and it hurts, and we promise ourselves next time we'll be more open to realizing we don't know it all, and then we do it again. Essentially this is the life of a toddler.
Sometimes we have to do things in life that we don't fully understand because we're essentially God's babies and don't 'know it all' and in the kindness that is Godliness, He speaks to us on our level. He speaks to us so we can understand what it is He knows is best for us.
We shouldn't fool ourselves, the same little guy who needs to be told to brush his teeth to get the buggys out, is the same person who has to go to work and put in a lot of effort to make money and then get paid and feel superior to the rest of the world because, well, now I am responsible and making my own decisions. And well yes, it is true, we do need to 'grow up' and take responsibility for our lives and make decisions like a free thinking adult. But we should never lose sight of the greatness of our Creator who knows far more than we will ever know. It is not to make us feel bad about ourselves, rather it should make us feel small like a child in the sense of humility and awesome to know that we are His 'babies'.
Who are we to think we know it all?
It's like the classic example of the small child who is taken to the dentists office with his father. The child is sitting in the chair with his father standing right next to him and the dentist begins to work. In the child's eyes, this mad man in a white suit is trying to kill him and daddy is just standing by his side and watching the whole thing! 'Why isn't daddy helping me?' the poor boy thinks to himself.
This is really the mind of a child! He is not able to trust yet that the father knows what is best for the child, even if it does hurt a little at times.
Our father, God, knows what's best for us, and sometimes it hurts a little. We can't always see it but there is a formula in being able to tap into it much more and it's simple. Just think of all the good in your life, all the blessings, and all the times where you really needed something and it came through or when something looked bad and ended up being the best thing for you. Think about what a great track record God has in giving you LIFE, and everything in between and realize that this too is just part of that beautiful tapestry.
When you're so close to the painting while it's being drawn you may only see a big mess, but when you stand back and look at it from a distance you see a beautiful masterpiece.
Every father wants what's best for their child. Sometimes God has to speak to us on our level, most of the time, it may seem like a daunting task but really all he's telling us is to brush our teeth, to get the buggys out, because He wants only what's best for us.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
You might even cry...
Once upon a time, there was a foolish boy who had a bag full of beautiful marbles. Now this boy was quite proud of his marbles. In fact, he thought so much of them that he would neither play with them himself nor would he let anyone else play with them. He only took them out of the bag in order to count and admire them; they were never used for their intended purpose. Yet that boy carried that coveted bag of marbles everywhere he went.
Well, there was also a wise boy who wished he could have such a fine bag of marbles. So this boy worked hard and earned money to purchase a nice bag to hold marbles. Even though he had not yet earned enough with which to purchase any marbles, he had faith and purchased the marble bag. He took special care of the bag and dreamed of the day it would contain marbles with which he could play and share with his friends.
Alas, the foolish boy with all of the marbles didn't take care of the marble bag itself, and one day the bag developed a hole in the bottom seam. Still, he paid no attention and, one by one, the marbles fell out of the bag.
It didn't take long, once the foolish boy's marble bag developed a hole, for the wise boy to begin to find those beautiful marbles, one at a time, lying unnoticed on the ground. And, one by one, he added them to his marble bag. The wise boy thus gained a fine bag full of marbles in no time at all. This boy played with the marbles and shared them with all of his friends. And he always took special care of the bag so he wouldn't lose any.
And what about the foolish boy? Because he was selfish and careless, he lost all of his marbles and was left holding the bag.
If you wrote down all the things in your life that you have, from life itself to the trinkets you own, to the feelings you feel, would you feel grateful for such tremendous gifts?
Regardless of who you feel grateful to, you would feel pretty good. You might even start to cry.
Imagine what your life would look like (speaking to myself) if you walked around all day and thought "What is my responsibility?" Rather than thinking (speaking to myself) "What are my rights, what's owed to me?"
Can you imagine the profound impact it would have on your soul to always be thinking of what your responsibility is to your husband, your children, your friends, your community, your world?
You might think this is the way most people think, but a quick glimpse into the human psyche might prove differently.
What happens when you rent an apartment, pay money, money that you earned, worked hard for, and then everything from the front door to the fridge breaks within months? How would you feel?
Most of us would feel angry, hurt or used and we would probably be calling the lawyers before we called the landlord to see what can get fixed.
The Abba and I had the merit of living in the Holy Land, The Old City of Jerusalem to be exact, for a couple years. During this time we lived in one particular apartment known to many as "The Cave". The Cave was probably 100 years old, without exaggeration, and was beautiful as ever. But literally, everything in the Cave broke, front door, shower, faucets, floors, oven, fridge, light bulbs crashed from two story high ceilings onto the floor just missing my head! I'm oversimplifying the story by writing it in two measly sentences but I trust you get the idea.
The Abba decided this was going to be our opportunity for tremendous growth and enlightenment in our lives if were going to be sensitive to the messages we were receiving. I was apartment hunting.
We got to the point where when things broke, we laughed. The lessons we needed to learn were so clear! We needed to realize that none of these things belong to us, they are just gifts that can be taken away in a second. And each second they were being taken away! (This should not negate the idea of working hard for your belongings and feeling a sense of accomplishment for hard efforts, and most importantly taking pleasure in the things we have. To be discussed in a different blog!)
Recently the Abba took a trip to the Holy Land as I told you about, and after he came back we were sitting up talking, folding laundry, catching up, and he looked at me and said "You've changed". I gulped. "You are even happier now than you have ever been." I smiled.
But then I started to think, what is it that changed?
I thought and talked it out and came to the astounding realization that the only reason I am able to be more at peace now than ever before in my life is because I have somewhat, to a very minuscule degree, begun to internalize this idea of feeling "What is my responsibility to the world around me, rather than what are my rights?"
Imagine how your life would look if all day long you were only thinking, what is my responsibility to myself, to my husband, to my parents, to my children, to my community, to my world, to my creator?
Can you feel for a moment how your life would shift from the foolish boy with the marbles so scared to let go of his own, to the wise boy who gains infinity by giving to others?
No relationship can fail if each partner is thinking "what is my responsibility to this person" Every relationship can suffer if even one person is thinking "what are my rights in this relationship"
There lies a deep secret here in parenting, amongst many other things. If we focus only on what our responsibility is toward our child we will feel a deep sense of love and appreciation and if we feel that we are entitled to things in life or things are owed to us, we may find ourselves riding a roller coaster of disappointment.
I often cringe when I see ads that say, "You deserve the best." I mean let's face it lady (talking to myself) we were given this tremendous gift of life with all its beauty and pleasures and we did nothing to earn it! Nothing! We were born into it! And we 'deserve' it? Can you even imagine telling your child he deserved to be born? What does that even mean? We don't deserve anything in truth, we are just here enjoying and taking the incredible gifts that life has to offer. So we need to get outside of ourselves and stop thinking of what is coming our way and start thinking, "Wow, if I was given this tremendous gift of life FOR FREE, I wonder what my responsibility is toward this world?" What can I do for it?
Think about it. God knew what he was doing. He entrusted us with a gigantic beautiful awesome world, told us to find a spouse that is in itself a gigantic beautiful awesome task, and then to have children and that is a gigantic beautiful awesome thing and then to be part of society and change the world oh and on a side note perfect the world through morality and goodness.
That sounds like massive tasks that require a whole lot of responsibility! Alas, that is the design! God knew what He was doing. He designed the world in a way that only through taking responsibility for ourselves our husbands our children our society our world, would we be able to resemble Godliness, which in essence just means being a giver rather than a taker. Being the wise boy rather than the foolish boy.
Where do we start?
If you wrote down all the things in your life that you have, from life itself to the trinkets you own, to the feelings you feel, would you feel grateful for such tremendous gifts?
Regardless of who you feel grateful to, you would feel pretty good. You might even start to cry.
We can start by writing all those things down, feeling grateful. You will feel pretty good, you might even cry...talking to myself...Monday, February 1, 2010
More money more problems?
I have been noticing a reoccurring theme this week in my life. The more we have the more we want.
This may shock my readers and I do suggest you sit down before reading this but, I do not own a television.
Are you there? Are you okay? Has the shock worn off?
I won't get into they why's just now but besides the obvious reasons, commercials, addiction etc. there are a plethora of very valid reasons the Abba (The Daddy) and I chose not to have one in our home.
We do, however, have family who owns televisions. Last week the Abba went away to the Holy Land to get some milk and honey. While he was away we stayed at my families house and without getting into too much detail, I'll just say by the end of the week I was signing Noam up for TAA, Television Addicts Anonymous.
It's interesting, at home he can go an entire day of reading, playing games, and hanging out with the Imma (The Mommy) and be just fine. But, when he's around a television, the more he watches the more he asks for. For some reason he cannot control himself and just watch 20 minutes. That 20 minutes makes him want another and another.
We're totally spoiled.
We all know it. We shouldn't feel guilty about it, we should take pleasure from it. Real, deep pleasure!
Do you ever find yourself complaining about your internet being down or your cell phone not working? Well come on, if you really think about what's happening in space to make your computer work on wifi and your cell phone have reception, you'd be laughing at yourself!
The more we have, the more we cannot comprehend what life was like without it and the more we want. It's a rat race really. One of my dearest friend and mentors in life recently cried to me about how her remote control car door was broken and she didn't know how she would go on! She quickly realized on her own that her fears of the manual car door future were quite silly in retrospect.
I'm not saying we shouldn't strive for more, for better. But we have to realize that if we appreciate the things we have, we can find true happiness. If we constantly look for the next thing, we'll never really live in the now. You cannot actually know if you will have the future, and the past is gone so in reality the only thing you DO HAVE is the now. So if we choose to live in the future, we're actually not living in reality!
Wow, that's scary.
We want to live in reality, and we do like nice things, and money, and we do want more and we do aspire for greater and better and that's all great. But in the process we have to figure out how to aspire and grow and climb while living and being in the RIGHT NOW.
Judaism says this is the secret to happiness.
TRULY APPRECIATE THE THINGS YOU HAVE.
So obvious, yet so hard.
It's not even a case of more money more problems then, it's really a case of more money more desire for more and less focus on appreciation for what we have now.
More money, more more more more more more more more more.....
This may shock my readers and I do suggest you sit down before reading this but, I do not own a television.
Are you there? Are you okay? Has the shock worn off?
I won't get into they why's just now but besides the obvious reasons, commercials, addiction etc. there are a plethora of very valid reasons the Abba (The Daddy) and I chose not to have one in our home.
We do, however, have family who owns televisions. Last week the Abba went away to the Holy Land to get some milk and honey. While he was away we stayed at my families house and without getting into too much detail, I'll just say by the end of the week I was signing Noam up for TAA, Television Addicts Anonymous.
It's interesting, at home he can go an entire day of reading, playing games, and hanging out with the Imma (The Mommy) and be just fine. But, when he's around a television, the more he watches the more he asks for. For some reason he cannot control himself and just watch 20 minutes. That 20 minutes makes him want another and another.
We're totally spoiled.
We all know it. We shouldn't feel guilty about it, we should take pleasure from it. Real, deep pleasure!
Do you ever find yourself complaining about your internet being down or your cell phone not working? Well come on, if you really think about what's happening in space to make your computer work on wifi and your cell phone have reception, you'd be laughing at yourself!
The more we have, the more we cannot comprehend what life was like without it and the more we want. It's a rat race really. One of my dearest friend and mentors in life recently cried to me about how her remote control car door was broken and she didn't know how she would go on! She quickly realized on her own that her fears of the manual car door future were quite silly in retrospect.
I'm not saying we shouldn't strive for more, for better. But we have to realize that if we appreciate the things we have, we can find true happiness. If we constantly look for the next thing, we'll never really live in the now. You cannot actually know if you will have the future, and the past is gone so in reality the only thing you DO HAVE is the now. So if we choose to live in the future, we're actually not living in reality!
Wow, that's scary.
We want to live in reality, and we do like nice things, and money, and we do want more and we do aspire for greater and better and that's all great. But in the process we have to figure out how to aspire and grow and climb while living and being in the RIGHT NOW.
Judaism says this is the secret to happiness.
TRULY APPRECIATE THE THINGS YOU HAVE.
So obvious, yet so hard.
It's not even a case of more money more problems then, it's really a case of more money more desire for more and less focus on appreciation for what we have now.
More money, more more more more more more more more more.....
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