Imagine you went outside. Grabbed your keys from your pocket, unlocked the front door to your car, got in, turned on the car and rolled down the windows; we're using our imaginations here. Pull out of the driveway, get onto the street and start driving. Now imagine that as you are driving there are no stop signs, no traffic lights, no lines on the road and hundreds of other cars on the same road you're on.

Now realize, this is the life of a toddler.

In their world, everything is new and exciting but at the same time there is so much to filter into their little minds. There is so much knowledge, action and experiences flying at their face at any given moment. I mean how would you feel? These little guys can't even control their own volume for heaven's sake! They don't know quiet from loud or slow from fast. They are bound to, actually they regularly bump into furniture, walls and even people. They often fall off their chairs, get hurt while playing without fail, and always find ways to hurt others even if unintentional.

You basically need to stay far away from them when they are awake if you don't want to get dirty, bruised or bloody.

Now when you put a child into an environment that is gated, safe and fun, you can be sure these little angels are the cutest little guys around. You could just eat them up!

Give them toys, books, activities, snacks or friends and they are so happy.

I spend most of my time with my toddler just guiding his actions in order to help him share, give, be nice, gentle, slowly, quiet, hold my hand, okay you get the picture right?

It seems that with the correct boundaries up in place for him, he's very happy, and lack of structure is destructive.

Life lesson:
Well it's pretty obvious that we can learn from our own children that what we may think we want (a life with no one telling me what to do, go and do as i please whenever i want wherever i want with whomever i want) is not at all what we actually want, won't make us ultimately happy and eventually will be destructive.

What we do want, and we may not even know it, is to have the structure in place, to have the boundaries up and then live happily within those boundaries.

It seems pretty simple and yes behold the most simple, obvious things in life, once again, are the most important ones to reevaluate constantly and the ones most often missed.

What we're really saying here is that ultimately it's the boundaries themselves that make us really happy, that really set us 'free'.

I've been very involved in sleep training my kids (without letting them cry - the baby whisperer in case you want to know) and I have been very adamant about their sleep. With my first child I decided to just feed and sleep him on demand and I quickly realized, without the proper structure, he and I were a mess! As soon as I put him on a routine schedule of sleep my life changed. It may seem pretty lame but I learned so much from this seemingly mundane or insignificant event in our lives. The moment I put him on it my husband said to me, "He's a happier baby now."

Everywhere I went people asked me, "What do you do, how do you do it?"

I had women tell me that they haven't slept in years because their children sleep whenever they want and are sleep deprived and are cranky in the day because of it.

And I realized through this that only through boundaries are we really free!

I was always a 'slave' for lack of better term, to my baby when he slept and ate and played sporadically throughout the day. Now that I know when my kids need to sleep I am able to plan around it and know exactly when I can do the things I need to do.

Someone once told me a parable that stuck with me for life and I'll share it with you to illustrate the point clearly:

Imagine you put a bunch of boys at the top of a mountain and threw them a ball. What would they do? They'd probably hang on to each other for dear life.

Now imagine you put a fence around the entire mountain so no one could fall off. What would you have? A game of soccer.


It seems, only through structure and boundaries, are we truly free.

On a very deep level this is really the meaning of Shabbat. One day where we are not a 'slave' to our phones, computers, television, shopping, errands, or even our blackberries. Just one day where we can just be really free. Shabbat is a day with many boundaries set in place (no cooking, no writing etc.) and at first glance we might think of it as a day only filled with restrictions. Why would anyone want that?

Because intrinsically we all know that the life we may think we want, with no one telling us what to do, is not what will make us happy, momentary satisfaction aside. We may think like toddlers sometimes but we all know that we'd rather have someone hold our hand to walk across the street than run 'freely' into a busy intersection.

The only thing we have to figure out as adults is who sets the boundaries now. Who knows best and wants to walk us across the street, holding our hand. Who cares so much about us that we should trust that they want only what's best for us?

It's the lack of boundaries that leads us to destructive behavior. It leads us to bump into things, get hurt and even hurt others. And I'm not talking about the toddlers.